Relationships - work it out or give up?

Maybe because I’m getting older, but I don’t walk away from relationships much as I used to. Learning to work through problems is part of being an adult, and I want to keep people in my life who’ve known me a long time. There are times, and people, that we are better off trying to find common ground or a resolution, rather than ignoring them or cutting them out of my life. And some people, like co-workers, we can’t escape. 

It’s uncomfortable, but is probably better to talk to someone who upsets you when: 

• They are family. We are connected to our family and it’s harder to cut them out than other people. Sometimes putting space between you temporarily is what you need. And, there are times when it’s better to cut off an abusive or manipulative family member. That can be the healthiest thing. This is a tough one, both to figure out and to do.

• It’s someone you work with. This is a bit of a tough one. Depending on the person, you may not feel free to say what has upset you. But you will see them again (maybe every day), and might have to interact with them, rely on them or need something from them.

• A friend you’ve had a long time. Even if you want to see the person less, it’s worth trying with the people we know well, who know us, who we have history with. Relationships are worth a bit of discomfort because they can almost always get better.

• You’re really upset by something someone said or did. You’re upset for a reason, believe in that reason, and say something.

• It’s someone you like. This is general, you might know the person casually or very well, but if you like them, talk to them. The relationship is worth it, they are worth the effort, and you are worth the effort.

Not all conflicts are resolvable, but every conflict can teach us something about ourselves.